OK I admit it, I am just a little bit addicted these days to those lifestyle programmes on the Living Channel or HGTV - you know those ones where people escape to the country, the sea, the lake or some foreign city they have never even visited. Where people throw in the towel and ‘up sticks’ to a sunnier, easier, seemingly hassle-free life with no money worries, job woes or cares in the world.

I have also noticed recently that my Trade-Me watchlist has slowly begun to fill up as my husband and I have begun saving every property, boat or piece of seaside ‘idyll’ where we would like to escape to (when we win lotto of course) as no budget filter has been applied…
This may seem like just mindless day dreaming, or something that is just a bit of a fun way to pass the time but actually it is stressing us out without us even realising it.

I have decided to relabel the Trade Me ‘watchlist’ as the ‘list of discontent’ as in doing so we are creating a dissonance with our existing, perfectly wonderful lives and taking what we have here and now for granted to the point where what we have currently seems disappointing and unfulfilling.  

For you that might be Trade-Me, TV programmes or other things that you save to your social media feeds, or the sub conscious comparisons you make to your friends lives plastered on Facebook. The bigger house, the cars you drool over in the showroom, the water cooler conversations at work with your colleagues about holiday or career plans or family get togethers where you compare notes over how well your children are doing at school or in their jobs.

In a recent article by Kathryn Schafler, a  NYC-based psychotherapist, writer and speaker states that “What starts as a perfectly naturally evolutionary impulse to avail ourselves to resources becomes grossly inflated by a dangerous mix of consumer culture + a lack of gratitude about what we already have”

“In other words, thinking about all the things that will make us happy often makes us miserable” - Kathryn Schafler

The more we think and dream about what we want the more expectation we place on our current situation, and in the process become more disappointed with our current experience (i.e. life)

This is why lottery winners are often unhappy, and studies have shown (Princeton Study 2010) that having more money or possessions doesn’t necessarily correlate to higher happiness levels or emotional wellbeing.

Don’t get me wrong, having ambition and goals are important and part of what makes us get up and out of bed in the morning. But when it goes beyond this to creating a level of disconnect and perceived discontent with what we have, or taking us away from enjoying the present moment it becomes detrimental to our emotional wellbeing and resilience.

This is why the practice of gratitude journaling and mindfulness meditation has taken off and become so mainstream. When we practice daily gratitude and actively start looking around at our life, in our present moment for things (big and small) to be grateful for we realise that what we have in our lives is actually pretty good and in doing so create positive feelings of connection and content (and not discontent).

Similarly, the practice of mindfulness or mindfulness meditation keeps us grounded in both our body and our present lives bringing our attention back to the present and in the process recognising that our present state is what matters, not some far off ideal that may or may not actually exist or bring us happiness.

So, I have vowed to delete the Trade- Me 'watchlist of discontent' and to remove the HGTV app from my mobile device and just simply enjoy what I have around me for it is what makes me truly happy and all that I need.

Catherine Woodley is an executive life & resiliency coach. As a cancer survivor and corporate escapee she is making it her mission to help those who are stressed out, burn out and at a cross roads with their career and life. 

Research shows that people who have a strong sense of purpose, self awareness & values   in life that translate into what they do for a job will be more resilient in the long term . Where there is a disconnect between what you do and your strengths  & values there is tension (or incongruence) and in the long run will lead to burnout and employee 'churn' and dis-engagement.

​Yet often in life we either 'stumble' into a career, hang onto a job or industry because its 'what we have always done' (or stay in a job we do love) but don't really stop to question and connect with why we do what we do . If you're struggling with this , here are 5 questions you can ask yourself to help you figure it out . 

1. If I knew I couldn't fail I would _____________________
2. If money was no object I would ____________________
3. I lose track of time when I am _________________________
4. The last time I felt happy at work I was (doing)______________________
5. If I wasn't afraid I would ________________________
 
               "What you do serves as the proof of what you believe " Simon Sinek

1. Tip#1:  Disconnect.

Set a reminder in your phone every 1 hour for 1 minute to stop and take a deep breath. If you can take yourself off to a quiet corner  - a bathroom or in the car (not while you are driving !) is a good place to do this. Close your eyes, take a slow deep breath in, and then exhale. Repeat this 5 times. 

​Tip #2: Notice your thought patterns  Tune into your thought patterns and what your mind is focusing on. The average human brain has over 50,000 thoughts per day so it’s no wonder we're exhausted at the end of a day without even realising why!  Rather than judge or try and ‘wrestle’ the thoughts to the ground just acknowledge them like clouds floating across the sky. Focus on your breath again, breath the thought in, and then out as you imagine it floating across the sky with your breath until it disappears.

Tip #3:  Ask yourself what’s really going on here?  
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, having repetitive negative thoughts, ruminating about the past, or worrying about the future, ask yourself the question "what’s really going on here?" . What’s driving you to have these recurring thoughts or feelings? Is it your desire to be in to be ‘perfect’, to ‘people please’, to be loved and accepted, for security and control? Who is it that’s pressing your button, and why? Then ask yourself how is this ‘serving you’ right now ?
 
Our brains are hard wired to always be looking out for threats or potential hazards. This includes rejection, failure, negativity, conflict and lack of resources (money, food, security). By noticing the recurring thoughts and what is driving them, you can then start to remind yourself that actually ‘all is well’ and there is no real imminent danger that can’t be resolved.
 
Tip #4: Stay Active 
All the research and evidence supports being fit and healthy in helping alleviate stress, anxiety and depression. Yet in times of stress and pressure making time for the gym or going for a run is often the first thing to 'give' and the excuses start to creep in like 'I don't have time'  or  'I'm too tired' . If you find yourself making excuses or don't have enough time for your usual exercise routine, find a compromise. Even if it's a short walk after work or at lunchtime with a colleague you will find your mood improves and you sleep better at night. Set yourself some realistic goals and find a friend or colleague to exercise with . If you have kids make them part of the exercise routine too by going for a bike ride together, get out the skipping rope in the back yard, or doing some step ups or sit ups while they play at the park. 
 
Tip #5: Connect
It's important to disconnect from our 'screens' every so often to give our brain a break. But even better still get up and go around the office to chat to a colleague or call a friend or family. Ask them about how their day is going, what challenges they are facing and if you can help.  Research has shown that by supporting others and creating support networks people become more resilient and less prone to stress.
 
To find out more about how you can build your resilience including our workplace coaching programme email truenorth@vodafone.co.nz

I was chatting to a client the other day and they told me that they didn’t like to use the word ‘resilience’ as a key word in their company HR strategy as they found it too ‘negative’.
As a corporate Resilience Coach, it got me thinking as to why this would be? Surely having resilient employees would be of great benefit and value to any organisation and especially one undergoing major change and upheaval in a highly competitive market environment?
Perhaps it is the context in which it is often currently used that set about this line of thinking.
Commonly ‘resilience’ is used (sometimes overused) in the media only when natural disasters occur such as the Christchurch earthquakes or more recently Cyclone Debbie that hit Queensland’s North Coast.
And of course the individuals and cities involved have had to very quickly learn or sharpen their resilience in the face of enormous emotional, environmental and financial upheaval and strain beyond what many of us could ever imagine.
The fact that cities such as Christchurch and Wellington have developed a ‘resilient city strategy’ as part of a global ‘100 resilient city’ movement suggests that it goes beyond merely disaster management. By 2016, 100 cities will be actively implementing and/or building a resilience strategy. Each city that takes part event appoints a Chief Resiliency Officer to head up the implementation of their strategy.
So how does this affect your organisation?
If resiliency is only seen as for times of turmoil and natural disaster then one can see how it can often be seen as negative. But like the 100 resilient city movement the true definition of resiliency is not about ‘waiting for a disaster to happen’ and then switching into ‘survival mode’ but about an “individual’s capacity to manage stress, remain healthy, rebound and learn from unexpected setbacks plus prepare for future challenges proactively”.
The key word being ‘proactively’.
Just look at how organisations have changed their HR Strategy in the last 5 years under WHS and Equal Employment Opportunities policies.
We need to move beyond the concept of resiliency being merely surviving to actually thriving in times of change and uncertainty.
Building resilient employees and teams requires a focus on forward thinking and a cultural shift. Not just a disaster recovery plan or a one off workshop.
It involves understanding what makes up resilient individuals and teams and then creating a sustainable plan to cultivate and develop resiliency as an ongoing development objective.
In this era where the topic of mental health and depression no longer holds the same stigma of past years, organisations have a responsibility to their people not just their bank balances and shareholders, so it is crucial they address the topic as part of their HR Procedures.
At True North Coaching we offer a workplace resilience coaching programme called R@W (Resilience At Work). Developed by organisational psychologists the R@W Sustain model has identified seven key components to building resiliency that go beyond merely ‘coping’ or ‘bouncing back’ to proactively identifying and developing resiliency skills to ensure that not only you can survive but thrive in times of stress or change.
So don’t wait for a disaster or a major change event to happen before you think about embedding resiliency training in your workplace. 
To find out more about our Resilience at Work (R@W) programme email truenorth@vodafone.co.nz